Why Bars are a Bad Place to Find Your Future Wife
A Thai bar is the worst place any foreigner can start their search for a future wife in Thailand. There are a number of reasons for this and one only needs to ask themselves some basic questions to understand why even considering a Thai bar worker as a future potential wife, is a horrible idea.
Would You Marry a Prostitute in Your Own Country
Of course you would not. People who work in these professions are usually lower class and sell their bodies for small amounts of money to anyone that is prepared to pay the asking price. In your own country, a prostitute can speak your native language and therefore your understanding of their mindset and attitudes toward you are enhanced. You can easily detect sarcasm and other methods of hiding / disguising their true feelings and motives.
“Do You Really Want to Share Your Life with Somebody Who Sells Their Body for Money?”
In Thailand, where English would be their second language and your understanding of Thai is limited, any perceptions of hiding / disguising their feelings and true motivations are diminished. Therefore, one must take measures to ensure that as many opportunities for deception and dishonest behaviour are removed from finding a future partner. Removing bar workers from your list of potential future partners is strongly recommended.
What do Other Thais Think of Thai Bar Workers
The large majority of Thais consider those who work in bars to be low class and low in morals. Those who work in bars that service mostly foreign customers, are considered to be lower class than those who service Thai customers in other establishments. Those who work in bars, will, in most cases, hide the truth from family and others that they meet. The status of being a bar worker is equal to any other that is prepared to share their body with anyone that is prepared to pay the asking price.
Bar workers usually befriend other bar workers and mostly limit their friendships to those who have similar social status (other bar workers). For most bar workers, they receive only 2 days off per month and their working hours are later afternoon to early morning hours. This prevents social contact with most others, apart from those work similar hours in similar employment.
Are Thai Bar Workers Trustworthy
Let’s answer that question with some questions. Would you trust somebody who will share their body with another person for receipt of minimal payment? Would you be happy if the lady that you had just shared your last 2 weeks with is preparing to share a bed with another, 4 hours after you departed one of Thailand’s airports, returning home?
This is the gamble. This is the cycle and the lifestyle of a bar worker in Thailand. They are working in bars to earn money for themselves, their families and other personal reasons that they prioritise above any person that they meet in a bar. They are encouraged to lie and manipulate customers. Even though this may not be natural behaviour for them, they learn quickly that this behaviour is the only way they can be successful in their primary goal of earning money.
In most cases, they will refer to any relationship they establish in a bar, as “work”. This clearly indicates that it is not real life, it is simply part of their working life. Any relationship they establish at “work” is considered secondary to relationships outside and life in general outside.
Many who work in bars have children at home with their families and require money to pay families to care for their children. Many have Thai husbands and boyfriends at home and these males have full knowledge of their wife’s / girlfriend’s employment and activities, including the customers and the income earned. To become involved in this conundrum equates to voluntarily entering a never ending spiral downward that leads to only one outcome.
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Can You Ever Really Take the Bar Out of the Lady
It has been said many times in Thailand, that one can always take the lady out of the bar, but never take the bar out of the lady. Is this true, or is this a myth that is simply thrown around to give the appearance that one is knowledgeable about such things?
There are always exceptions to any generalisation, but in the large majority of cases, the statement is true. Once exposed to the daily workings of a bar environment where the staff are expected to sell their bodies for sexual services with customers, it is nearly impossible for the worker not to alter their attitudes and behaviours to be successful. For those that live in Thailand, it is on display daily.
A new worker will arrive from her village and she will be thrust into the centre of a totally alien environment where everything she has learnt in her mostly conservative rural upbringing will be turned upside down. Lying, manipulation and scamming will become the new norm and she will quickly identify with a new role model and change her behaviours as soon as manageable to fit in with her new way of life.
Her whole life will revolve around this new job and her employer will deduct her minimal salary for any discrepancy they can create. She will be pressured to manipulate customers for drinks and to sell herself as much as possible. Her salary will be reduced if she does not achieve the targets set by her employer.
This constant pressure and competition from other staff has direct effects on anyone that works in this environment. They quickly become a perfectionist at lying and scamming anybody that enters the bar. Most adopt an attitude of treating customers differently to others away from work, so that they can in some ways, justify their actions and immoral behaviours. Somebody who has changed in this way, cannot easily return to normal life and forget / discard their old habits. These attitudes and behaviours stay with them for life.
Do Bar Workers Really Stand Out in a Crowd
Yes, they do stand out in the crowd. If fact, bar workers are easy to identify in any crowd. Those behaviours that they have learnt in their workplace ensure that they can be identified anywhere. At times, the dress standard (or lack of) can identify a bar worker before they even start to speak. Those that are not aware of the judgements going on around them will usually speak in their normal manner and this will raise alarm bells with all Thais surrounding them. This may sound as though it is an over exaggeration, but it is not. Dress standards and level of language are the most important aspects of Thai society. They are absolute factors in determining one’s social status on a first meeting or impression.
For any Thai female that has a foreign partner, there will be initial negative assumptions and perceptions from those around them. The immediate assumption will be negative and many will then watch even more closely to ascertain if their initial assumption were correct or not. They will watch for behavioural traits that indicate social status and class, the interaction between the Thai and the foreigner and most of all, they will listen to the language being used by the Thai. The relationship can and will be quickly judged to be genuine or otherwise. This may sound unfair and it may even be considered overly judgemental. It is, but that is Thai society. They will judge quickly and attempt to size everything up as soon as possible.
Any Thai women considering a foreigner as a long term partner will encounter this many times. This can occur many times in a single day and can quickly become annoying. Unfortunately it is one of the many things that comes with having a foreigner as a partner in Thailand. Most Thai women will struggle with this initially and understandably so. The judgements will never cease and at times, the relationship will be more difficult for the woman, than her foreign partner.
Can a Bar Worker Ever Earn Respect From Other Thais
The chances of a Thai bar worker earning the respect of Thais outside of the bar scene is highly doubtful. Thai society is riddled with a mix of xenophobia and paranoia. They are fearful of what they don’t understand and rarely accept something that is not Thai. Those that partner foreigners will be thought of differently unless they are of decent social standing and can display that their relationship is as genuine as those of others.
Bar workers cannot earn respect from other Thais and therefore the foreign partner will be considered low class for simply associating with a low class Thai that has chosen to sell their body for money. This judgement from others will not change over time; it will remain a constant for as long as they remain in Thailand. If a foreign male chooses a bar worker as a life partner, he will encounter these judgements for the rest of his life from all Thais from all different walks of life.